What I need
by YellowRosesAndHearts
Summary: Jude's thoughts during hallelujah. And if you didn't see that, and don't want to be spoiled, don't read. I practically spoon feed the whole episode. One shot.


1**_OK, I'm aware that this is a lot like my other one– a characters view on what happened during and episode. Jude Tommy fluff, of course. Jude's view during Hallelujah. And as always, I love people who review and are honest with me. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed my stuff, or will review this one!_**

It should have been the worse birthday of my entire life. Think about it– seventeen years old, stuck in an old abandoned club with dust and rats and no electricity. I'm not a pessimist, or anything like it, but it obviously didn't look too promising.

And, oh yes, there was him. Tom Quincey, destroyer of wills and minds, ex boybander heart breaking machine. And I hated him. Really, really did this time. That asshole had cheated on my sister. He'd assauged all the faith I had in him– thrown it out the window without a second thought. He didn't give a damn about her or me. And that stung. Stung like hell.

So how did I end up here? Here, lying awake in my bed, thinking about him, confused as all hell? I can't blame him this time, can't even be mad about it. In fact, all I can do is smile, smile so hard it feels like my face is going to break. And I don't know what any of it means.

We argued like usual at first, I was steamed as hell. But who could blame me? Stuck in a musty old club on my birthday with a guy whose eyes I wanted to claw out? Right.

So we yelled a while. I don't even remember what we said. But I'm sure it was the same as always– I probably called him an insensitive asshole, and he probably called me an immature drama queen. Or something like that.

I don't get it with Tommy– somehow we bring out the absolute best and complete worse in each other. I hate him, and I want to kill him sometimes, and yet– that arrogant little smile amd those earnest blue eyes can melt me like nothing else can. This would be a problem. I adore Speed, I love his company. But he couldn't make me feel like this, ever. And it isn't for lack of trying. Speed and I have just never had that thing, that fire, that longing that me and Tommy can't avoid.

Case and point the song we wrote today, "Liar Liar" I'm calling it. I haven't felt a song so deep inside me on the first try since Skin. And somewhere in the first verse, while Tommy was berating me about the use of some word or another, I felt so... invincible. And cliche and girlie as it sounds, I felt alive. It was amazing to get it out, it was what I needed. He needed to understand the extent to which he had hurt me.

When the song ended, we settled on the couch, a million feet of courtesy distance between us. He kept looking at me and darting his eyes away, like he wanted to say something but was too scared to. And when had that started? When had Tommy and I begun practicing self censorship of any kind around each other? It was almost frightening.

When his voice came out, it was earnest and sweet and sexy as hell.. not that I noticed. "I never lied to you, Jude," was what he said. He snapped me back to reality. He lied! He lied! And here I was letting it go.

I was about to open my mouth and say something to this affect when he cut me off, "I never cheated on Sadie". His voice was almost trembling, and his eyes fixed on mine. And that was when it clicked in my head. He hadn't he really hadn't. Which meant... shit.

"So I pushed you into the fountain for telling the truth?"

He raised his eyebrows to mean yes, and I felt like hitting myself with the nearest heavy object in the room. Preferably something with spikes.

The earnest husky voice was back, joined in part by a tremor that both excited me and broke my heart. " I want you to believe in me again". Was it really that important to him? To have me believing in him? I had never really thought that he cared about it.

"I want to" I said. I really did. But I couldn't let everything go, just like that. All the mess with Sadie, all that crap with the kiss– I couldn't release it in one breath.

As if reading my mind (One of Quincey's many talents) he said, "Sadie and I, we weren't right."

They weren't right. They weren't right. Well whopdee fricken doo, I could have told them that months ago, and saved us all a hell of a lot of time. Oh wait, I had. And he hadn't listened. How completely Tommy was that? "Why?" I asked.

He looked up at me, azzure eyes gleaming with honesty. When his voice came out, it was wavery, as if he didn't trust it. Maybe he didn't. "You know exactly why."

He sounded so sweet that the overly sensitive part of me wanted to cry, the ballsy part of me wanted to grab him and kiss him, and the cowardly part of me yearned to look away.

Cowardly won.

Still, I was very much at peace when I laid my head into his chest, and my eyes started to close. I could feel his hands playing with my hair, and all I could think was, 'Please be real. Please let this be real'.

Real or not, I finally did fall asleep. It could have been days, weeks, months for all I cared. I never wanted to let go. Never wanted to let the outside world intrude on us again.

I woke up to the distant sound of clanging, but all I could see was Tommy. Smiling. Husky sexy voice whispered, "Hi."

He leaned down toward me as if he was going to kiss me. Would he? Shameful as it was, Speed didn't even cross my mind. I hadn't thought of him once in over two hours. Only of the man next to me.

So Jamie and Speed got us out, completely busting up me and Tommy's "moment". Awkward, much? Ex boyfriend and current boyfriend almost witnessing a moment between you and your 23 year old producer who you've kissed before? Are my love interests that confined?

Tommy drove us home, seeing as he's the only one with a liscence. Reinforced reason he's too old for me, I guess. I ran off onto the porch, sneaking a peek inside the car to see Tommy waving at me. Well, at all of us, really. But I like to think that it was meant for me.

I made some bogus excuse about losing my cell phone because I felt like I had to go and set the record straight with him. I ran to his window, hair streaming behind me. I didn't wasted any time. "I believe in you" I said. His expression was priceless– I'll never forget it even if I never see it again after this. "That was honestly the best birthday I ever had."

That's right, it was. Locked up in an abandoned, god forsaken hell whole with just me, Tommy, a couch, and a piano. And it was all I needed.

_**See that nice little button to the left of the computer screen? Hit it and tell me how much I do or don't suck. Thanks.**_


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